Religious Truths...

Taoism = Shit happens.

Confucianism = Confucius say, "Shit Happens".

Buddhism = If shit happens, it is not really shit.

Zen Buddhism = What is the sound of shit happening?

Hinduism = This shit happened before.

Islam = If shit happens, it is the will of Allah. 

Judaism = Why does shit always happen to us?

Catholicism = If shit happens, you deserved it.

Protestantism = Let shit happen to someone else.

Scientology = This shit happened to you 75 million years ago, but it will only cost $360,000 today for us to remove it.